He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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