im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
