the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
