This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
