you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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