Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
