god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
