Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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