so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
