Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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