you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
