Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
