You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize