who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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