I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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