he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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