and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just pee around me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
