I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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