hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
