I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
