i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
