I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
