how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
