In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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