he puts the penis in happiness.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
