I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
