Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
