I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
