so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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