she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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