That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
this is an emotional support booty call
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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