He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
