Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
