I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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