I'm really into asian looking animals
...so i touched it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
