If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
