I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
