Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
