I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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