you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
