She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
