Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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