so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
