I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
