Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
