Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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