get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
