remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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