Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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