She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
