It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
