why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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