just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
