pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize