I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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