i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
