Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
