i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
