and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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