i think my mom watched the whole time
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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