and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
