Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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