I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
