He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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