so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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