This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
