Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
