do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
