I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
