I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
