Betty ford says i'm here all night
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize