How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
