just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
