3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
