Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
