You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
