It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
