There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
