remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She bit a glass in half.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
