Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
