dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
handjob tips. give me some.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
