Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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