apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
