never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
