I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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