my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
