Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
