loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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