Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
