When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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