I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
