If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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