I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
