I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
