Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
