meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize