I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
