she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
