We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want her autograph on my taint
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We smell like vodka and hangover
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
