she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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