Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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