I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My balls are so social today.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
