Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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