Already got asked if we're dating
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
