Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
