he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
