ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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