The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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